In the Gospel proclamation today we encounter the second time that Jesus is trying to explain to His disciples about His upcoming suffering and death. In the NIV version, it says that Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were because He was teaching His disciples. What Jesus had to teach them was so vital, so important – He was teaching them about the cross – that He does not want anyone else getting in the way. But it appears that this teaching falls on deaf ears. The Bible says that they did not understand but were afraid to ask. I do not think they were afraid of Jesus – He has proven over and over to be the most kindest and compassionate teacher. But I think perhaps they were afraid of being judged by others. And their silence robbed them of understanding the greatest mystery. Their fear of the opinion of the other robbed them of a significant moment with the Lord. In his letter, St James encourages us to open up and admit if we have bitter envy or selfish ambition in our hearts. We are not to keep silent about this feeling ashamed or defensive about it because that gets us nowhere. We are to admit that there is envy and there is selfish ambition hidden away in our hearts. And when we do that, Jesus comes alongside us, never in condemnation but He comes with mercy and forgiveness and the grace that enables us to change. He brings out of us good fruit that bears witness to His activity within us.

This is something that personally I am walking through this season. After years of denial and defence, the Lord has helped me to open up about my need for purpose and significance. My own thirst for greatness – to matter. And He has had to cut away my deep need for the approval and good opinion of others. As painful as it has been and continues to be, it is also extremely liberating. For it gives me permission to focus on God who walks with me instead of the crowd I might be surrounded by. It frees me to focus on His voice instead of the mindless chatter that I was previously tempted to focus on. And as He removes, methodically and surgically, the lies that I have been believing about what greatness looks like, He is teaching me His greatness, His significance, His purpose. There is kingdom greatness in the love poured into a family meal, there is Kingdom greatness in the mundane work done diligently and faithfully, there is kingdom greatness simply in showing up day after day and asking God to help me do my best in the places that He has placed me in this season.

Prayer: Abba Father, I come before you and I lay out my deepest desires and needs before You. Amen